We landed, for a time, off the coast of Vancouver. This was an effort to be closer to loved-ones who get so little of us and to introduce the kids to ideas and culture from a slightly different perspective. We have been blessed with the awareness that, compared to the possessions and needs of so many in this world, we are kings and queens. This is a hard awareness to come by...for many people in all kinds of situations. It is hard to see your positives when the world wants to constantly sell you on your negatives. So, after many weeks of sunshine and warmth, the continued rain we fell into didn't seem to bother us. It was all a new experience for us.
After a time the locals remarked how odd it was for us to experience so much continued rain. Certainly, it rains here quite a bit, they said, but not THIS much. It rained everyday for over two consecutive months. Towards the end of the rainy streak the kids finally began to buckle. Then came the snow.
First just in the higher elevations, and then it made it's way to us. And it stayed. "This is so unusual!", people exclaimed! "This never usually happens!"
Now, weather doesn't necessarily bother me. In fact, I love the differences of the seasons and look forward to all the variations. The theme here isn't the hardship of weather...the bus is quite adept at keeping us warm and dry and comfortable. Truth be told, people are always asking if we are alright in the bus, warm enough, would like to come stay at their house, etc. and I am amazed at how hard it can be for people to see it as a real home. But I digress...the real theme here is CHANGE.
Change can be slow and painful and scary and enticing and awe-inspiring and hard to bear and exciting and educational and helpful and overwhelming and forgiving or not. When I was a kid, I couldn't watch Sci-fi. Not at all. There was so much change involved in the way things were as I knew it and the way things would have to become that my mind couldn't handle it. It made me physically uncomfortable and emotionally tender. Perhaps, this is why I wanted my kids to touch the differences of the world at an earlier age...so they would be more flexible than I was at their ages.
With the excessive rains and moisture, followed by cold and the use of our heaters, the bus began to weep from the insides. The change became too much for her to handle. While still warm and cozy, hard to reach parts of the bus began to mildew. We purchased a dehumidifier, wiped the walls, scrubbed the woodwork with vinegar and tea tree, among other remedies to try and curb the issue. Rapidly we developed colds and my asthma went nuts. The cold snap continued and was forecasted to stay. Once again, CHANGE was on the docket for us.
Every computation was made to decide what to do. We could move out of the bus, yet again, but this was our home and abandoning it and leaving it to mildew didn't seem right either. When you finally cease to agonize over a large, scary decision you are forced to make, things can become extremely clear. It is as if a combination lock clicks into place of all the things that have lined up for this moment and the reasons why. Seeing family, the flexibility of homeschooling, drying out our lungs and the bus - these things all became very fluid and in focus. We headed south for a while.
Sometimes, CHANGE is a bit too much for us to bear. Heaven knows we feel it here in the bus...almost like the canaries in the mineshaft. Driving off into the world to map unchartered emotional and social waters. And, for me, that uneasy feeling never goes away - you just get better at not cowering to it. Like being on stage or diving or making new friends or anything outgoing, really. The unknown of it all always turns my stomach. But it is the tumultuous times in my life that have allowed me to stand here now in 2017 on the precipice of uncertainty with a positive outlook.
So why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to know that on the other side of all our smiling pics and sunset vistas, we are the same. There is no safe haven from "life" and "reality"...it is what we make of it. There is hardship and love and tears and craziness and, of course, CHANGE. We are working hard as a family to ride those waves of change and to expand our personal comfort zones; this is our way of spitting in the face of uncertainty. And in the end it is all OK. Why? Because if it's not, it isn't the end! So the next time something terrifies you, stick a "Let's Make America Great Again" sticker on your chest and hock a big loogie at uncertainty!
