Unsung Heros and On the Road Farming

It’s time to get back into the bus again. I’m not entirely sure where to or when, but I feel it coming. The itch. Even the kids feel it. This picture below is from one of our son's reading books that came home with him. It's the second time one of his books mentioned a "bus house". Coincidence? :)

We had an opportunity to take a brief trip in our minivan to Wilmington and Savannah last week and it was such an adventure. It was the first real trip in something other than the bus and, wow, what a difference. While it was certainly faster for us and easier to maneuver, I missed the space and independence of it. The kids did really well on 7 and 8 hour days (which we rarely ever did even in the bus) but they were definitely cranky about being jammed so tightly together. Landing in Wilmington was a breath of fresh air.

And it was certainly in and out…there was no slow, meandering and finding hidden secrets and new faces. However, this enabled us to literally drive through DC, jump out for an hour or two at the National Museum of Natural History (you practically drive through DC anyway unless you circumvent, the parking is free, and the Museum is donation-based).

And, from there, we drove to NYC, crashed for a night, roamed the streets, pillaged a three-story candy store and whooped it up in Central Park before returning home! So, a whirlwind tour to be sure. I am a bit concerned that my children believe all lives are like this and all people this fortunate. But there is time to show them it is otherwise.

And so, for the unsung heros (I will scatter our Savannah pics throughout this part of the entry - more unsung heroes in the people that love us and open their hearts and homes to us time and again!). These are the people who can maintain a 9 to 5 and an actual routine year-round. These are the people who maintain sanity despite the hardest of times. Way above superheros, who traipse around in fun outfits finding excitement, I value the people I meet who manage the ordinary of life with grace and wonder and strength and make it extraordinary and beautiful. Every winter I aspire to this - falling into a very healthy structure and regimenting our daily experience - and every spring I lose it! But these are the people we meet in our travels or our community that give me strength.

Recently, I was with my three year old at the YMCA swimming. Nearby there was a mom with an extremely autistic roughly 9 year old boy. After watching her teach him how to swim (“Swim, Steven. Swim. Swim. Swim, Steven” and then moving his arms for him to help him.) I encountered her in the locker room. She was trying to get him to put his pants on. It sounded like this: “Steven, put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your pants on. Steven, put your pants on. You are a big boy now. You can put your own pants on. Steven, for the love of God, I cannot do this. Pull your pants up. You can pull you pants up. Steven, put your pants on. I love you so much, and I need you to put your pants on. Steven, put your pants on.” This went on for another 10 minutes at least. In my mind I replayed how many times I have lived this experience with my own three when they were littler, but with only a fraction of the experience that she deals with and an even smaller amount of patience than she has. Wow. What a lesson for me. I still am holding it so deeply.

She emerged from the stall with that hardened face that I carry so often. I thought of the time, when wearing the same face and shouting at my own children, a neighbor’s gentle act of wiping snow off my car enabled me to soften. So I told this swimming mom that she was my hero. She laughed slightly and said “But you don’t get to see me at home”. I said it was OK because I know I have a fraction of the frustration she has and still a fraction of her patience level and wished her a good day. It was enough. She softened and I can still feel the impact of such a beautiful lesson from an unsung hero. It reminds me also of what beautiful souls Mya Gardener and her family are (who we saw on our trip). I wonder how their endeavors continue and when our paths will cross again. How fortunate we were to share such a moment in time. This is why, time and again, when we want to recoil and ignore and hide from the world, we have to get back on the bus! and meet it where it is.

Sometimes I struggle with our weird way of life, when I let my brain worry about how different we are and are we “normal”. Well, shoot, what the hell is normal anyway? I actually feel as if we are getting closer to living genuinely - if there is such a thing. I feel as if we are farmers in our own weird way. We respond similarly to the seasons. In the winter, we burrow in someplace and enjoy the cold/snow/ice. We sit by a fire and read our little eyeballs off. We create and renew and rest. Then, when we hit the spring I nest like NOBODY’S BUSINESS! (In fact, I’m freaking out right now that I am not cleaning and sorting something.) Spring cleaning, the birth and newness a farm or homestead sees as the weather changes, and preparing for the planting season.

And then, jumping back into the bus…whether we go someplace or just park and live in the middle of a field, it still has a major impact upon us and those around us. It forces us outside and to connect to our environment in a very real, candid and unapologetic way. We plant our seeds - ideas, inspirations and creativity that takes flight either in the fall or in the future for us or for others. When the fall arrives we return to “school” (though for us this happens really all the time) and work and harvest all the seeds we have been planting throughout the spring and summer. So, while we are not tied to one patch of earth, we try to be open and accessible to all the land, plants, people and animals we encounter and we endeavor to connect very deeply with the terrain and our neighbors. Here's our oldest, a girl scout, at the birthplace of the founder of Girl Scouts - Juliette Gordon Low. What an inspiration for girls and women! And another girl that never took "no" for an answer (I know a few of those ;) She even got to sign her name in the girl scout book there - a tradition that thousands of girls have done through the ages.

I suppose this farming analogy assuages my fears by connecting our very modern, non-traditional life to an ancient and traditionally rhythmic existence! In any case, we are feeling the rumble of the ground beneath our feet and looking forward to bringing you all along on our next big adventure!!!! Here are some more Savannah pics from an "Oyster boil" held with some loved ones...Thanks for riding this wild carpet with us :)

Reflections on More Than a Bus Trip

What a wild ride it has been…even beyond the bus until now! I just had the good fortune of having four days off for self-reflection and I made some notes about the bus trip. Someone there mentioned Facebook (and blogs to some degree) to be self-advertising - which I don’t disagree with - so I try to be aware of this constantly when I post and give as many ups as I do downs. I’m trying less to paint us and more to take you with us, if at all possible. In any case, my thoughts: 1. We started out just BUILDING A BUS…to see if we could do it with less of an idea about where it would take us. If it would even, in fact, take us anywhere. And it sure did. Wow…that happened. It is totally hard to believe.

2. We also wanted to investigate the road to see if full-time “ROAD-SCHOOLING” is or could be a reality for us. While this is still an option, the schedule would have to be very specifically worked out. This trip, with a desire to catch up with so many loved ones we haven’t seen in many years, took on a MONSTROUS life of its own and an actual road-school schedule would have to be slowed waayyyyyyyyy down so as not to drive us or the kids as crazy. And to enjoy the places we visit more fully more as “temporary locals” and less as tourists. Further, while this worked really well educationally for them now at their ages, I would like to do it when they are a bit older, can enjoy the richness of the experience more, and are no longer in carseats!!!

3. The NATTERBUS truly has a life of it’s own and we need to honor and move with it (no pun intended). What does that mean? It means that everywhere we went this bus spoke to people in a way we never imagined and by being flexible (to a point) with our time, attention and our route we were able to connect up with really amazing people and ideas. Something about the bus - the adventure, the reckless abandon, the dream of seeing the world, nostalgia for family trips, bucking routine, the education, the wilderness, the acid-flashback paint job!!!! - whatever it is struck a chord in people very deeply.

4. Everyone loves to DREAM BIG (just look at Powerball ticket sales!). Well, everyone except for those who don’t allow themselves to and are afraid of it. Often these people, as a result, are bitter when others dream and even more bitter when dreamers succeed - waiting for the right moment to criticize and pounce when there is failure. But, if you don’t set out to prove anything…just to DO something, ANYTHING and see where it takes you, how can you be proven wrong? For even at that point, a failure is a lesson and, thus, a success. Plus, even MORE people love to see a big dream REALIZED to give them hope, courage, inspiration. 5. People want to feel PART OF SOMETHING bigger than themselves. Period.

6. My LAUGHABLE naiveté about what a big, open-spaced land this is with millions of places to “BOONDOCK” (simply park off the road free someplace to enjoy the land) has been squashed. What am I, a damned HIPPIE?!?!? Pretty much everywhere in this country has been bought and packaged and even the public land is rarely just “open to the public”. There are rules and fees and bookings and guidelines and loopholes that other full-timers and scammers committed to memory long ago and are twenty steps ahead of you. We are definitely the land of the “nothing is for free”, not that I expected that much, but all these fairytale notions of “Land Management” and the US being much more wide open and available than here in NY have gone out the window. Having said all that, there are some great opportunities in this country that involve camping coops for full-timers and even some Walmart parking lots (except on the West coast where they sold their parking lots to avoid dealing with vagrants) and Cabela’s parking lots.

7. Now, granted, one reason this lala-land image of mine was dashed is that, with three tinies in tow, you start to think a whole lot more about SAFETY than when the two of you pulled over and whipped out a tent someplace. Did we have any real security breaches/issues on this trip? No, thank heavens. But we also tried to make smart choices. Sometimes you can get away with parking off on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere (particularly when broken down!), sometimes you stay at a Walmart parking lot if it feels right, and sometimes you keep driving until you find a campground with a spot you know you paid for and a community of eyes watching each others’ backs. And sometimes the biggest troublemakers are when you are parked next to the sidewalk in an affluent neighborhood and the drunken teens come to call! Safety was hands down the biggest factor in whether I was tense or not on the trip and was a real lesson. You certainly get used to it as you go - especially in a steel bus locked tighter than a drum - but for me it took at least a week or two on the road, sleeping in unknown places, before I could fully relax if my kids were sleeping more than an arms length away (which, believe it or not, they were). And even then I am a totally light sleeper (I hear my kids fart) and that helped me know that I’d be up before the first eyelash of an intruder tried to enter the bus. However, in our house/apts no one ever walked by the open windows talking about us, sometimes directly to us, sometimes shouting at us, graffitied us, or banged on our walls in the middle of the night. The bus apparently welcomes this behavior. Definitely makes us feel grateful for the amount of security we normally feel; there are an awful lot of people in this world, sadly, who never feel that.

8. The Build - things we did right, things we did wrong. Dang, that’s probably a whole other blog! 9. FOOD!!!!! Yes, my favorite topic. Well, there were some ups…like all the homemade tortillas you can get across country. Delicious! We shared some really great meals with people, had a few campfire dinners that were fun and nostalgic, and worked out a great routine of dips, veggies, cheeses and crackers. I’d like to tell you that we hit a fair number of farmer’s markets all around the country. This was a dream I had in my crazy little brain that was logistically near impossible. Sadly, with our hit or miss power for the fridge (we hadn’t yet purchased a dual propane/electric fridge) and taking things in and out of the cooler in the heat, the easiest thing often became carrying as little food as possible and running into Walmart for supplies whenever we parked there overnight. Now, we were still mostly gluten-free at the time so this was hellish and we just jumped right off of that cart and fell into the fire by the end of the trip. I will say that we were pretty good about not eating out a ton (you wouldn’t believe what I can whip up with a genny running, a propane stove, or even a fully-moving highway salad meal!). And, except for some Dairy Queen stops on realllllly hot days, fast food was something we reserved for when we broke down and had to walk somewhere nearby to occupy the kids.

10. Another big issue for me was the “feeling like an imposition vs. celebrating spontaneous connections” with people. More than once we ended up staying in front of someone’s house and my upbringing gave me such a guilt complex about it that it truly made it less enjoyable (and sometimes downright stressful when I was worried the kids would be too noisy for the neighbors!). My brain is CONSTANTLY worried about offending/pissing people off (believe it or not) and it was a great practice for me to try and let that go, rely on them to be upfront with me about their needs, and enjoy the situation for its positives. It truly is a fine line to walk…but one I found was worth it. (I hope you all thought so too :)

11. SLEEP! The kids slept GREAT in the bus. Truly. Or, at least, that’s how I remember it. (Husband?) They had their own bunks and were close enough to know where we were, but far enough to get space from each other. Occasionally they ended up in our bed by the end of the night for one reason or another, but not as much as at home, I think. And there was definitely still sleepwalking, which we have at home also, but probably there was more of it on the road because we did so much they were totally exhausted (they sleepwalk more when tired). For me, once over the security issue I loved sleeping in the bus. Certainly I had already done it a ton before going on the road. I have my own Queen sized bed in there, a different view out the windows every few days, a metal roof to hear all the rain drops, plenty of screens to have air blow in AND a roof hatch for pre-sleep star gazing!!!! What is not to love?!?!?

12. Lastly, a concept that came back to me was the one of CONCENTRIC CIRCLES. I think it was back in my exchange student days (or maybe just my high school here) where we discussed this idea - where you live in a series of outward rippling concentric circles. The very center circle is you and it radiates out to your family, your community, your state, country, etc until you reach the whole world (or even the whole universe!). If you remain in your tiny little circle, then that is all you know of the world and your view is entirely self-absorbed and motivated. However, as you move into greater and greater circles, your experiences inform a wider perspective of what life is about and what your priorities are. This concept certainly did not get disproven on this trip :)

I suppose that is enough of my blather for now. I’ll see if my husband has anything to add. Feel free to ask questions should anything puzzle you about our crazy adventure. Til then, keep calm and Von Rowdy on!

IF YOU ONLY EVER READ ONE OF OUR POSTS, PLEASE READ THIS ONE!!!

We have witnessed and experienced many awe-inspiring things on this trip so far. Nothing, however, even comes close to the AMAZING MIRACLE we were fortunate to encounter named Mya and the strength of her family. Mya, the nine-year-old daughter of friends of ours who live in Kansas, was in a car accident on February 24th of this year and spent the next several months in a coma. NINE YEARS OLD. SEVERAL MONTHS IN A COMA!!! A parent cannot help but to hear such a story and think how easily it could be their own child. We followed her progress for months with baited breath, unable to understand how impacted we would be by something happening so far away - an article on her development at the time can be found at http://louisburgsportszone.com/2015/04/community-rallies-together-for-jimmy-and-mya/ We knew that we had to go to Kansas with the Natterbus, if they would have us. By the end of the first week of our trip we arrived at their house.

Our friend Spencer was standing in the road flagging us down. We knew Spencer from wayyyyyyyy back and will always have a soft spot in our hearts for this hip-hop loving son of a preacher man. His new wife, her daughter Mya and their two sons we had never met, though we felt as if we knew them already from contact on the phone and Internet.

We had no idea what we would find when we arrived, for we hadn't asked when making travel plans with them. It didn't matter to us what state Mya was in, only that we would have a brief chance to engage with them all. Our last information had been that she was slowly waking from her coma and being released from the hospital for the next part of her recovery.

To walk into the room and see her sitting up, smiling, waving at us and then walking absolutely blew me away. I became very emotional during my time with them, bursting into tears as subtly and off to myself as possible so as not to scare anyone! I felt I had no right to be so dramatic over something that "doesn't affect me directly", and, yet, the emotion and awe-inspiring feeling of it all was so overwhelming. To her parents I am sure the miracle is less contrasting since they have the benefit and deficit of a past with her and a hope for the future - there must be thoughts of how she used to do this or will she ever do that, not to mention the logistics of support. We, however, have never met her before and have the luxury of living in her present miracle in all of it's rich fullness.

And as for the the kids, they ignored it all and had an awesome time together! Our eldest, who is one of the most sensitive people I've met on the planet, immediately had an understanding of the situation and how she might feel in that same position - from the moment she heard of the story to the second she met Mya. She has had other friends in the past who were differently-abled than her (and hung out with many elderly as well) and so this didn't matter much to her, though I am sure she wishes she could have had more full on conversations with Mya. To watch them interact, however, was a thing of real beauty. Just in the time we were with them Mya played on the playground - sliding down the slide for the first time since the accident - got in the swimming pool (splashing her mother with water), and drove a kid-sized electric car (both forwards AND backwards all on her own!!!).

(This is Mya going down the slide in her backyard for the first time since the accident!) Equally inspiring, however, is the strength and perseverance of her family and support network - most specifically her parents, but also rippling out from there. I will forever remember that when my days seem difficult juggling three kids, they are NOTHING compared to having two boys under five to chase after while staying by Mya's side 24/7 to assist with bathroom, swallowing, walking, eating issues. I marveled at how well they passed duties back and forth between them seemlessly. Sports players receive all the glory when they work in sync on the field, parents rarely do! This is by no means an easy task since they also are required to fulfill the mundane necessities of life, such as making money, eating, and going to the bathroom, among other things. And forget about date nights or me time!!!!

Currently, the update is that Mya is still making strides and has been accepted into the Madonna Rehab Institute in Lincoln, NE. A GOFUNDME fundraising campaign (found at http://www.gofundme.com/nh19g0 ) was set-up a while back by a friend of theirs (since they are too modest to ask for money, but DEFINITELY need it for health aids and gas money and since working is not possible for both of them at the same time any longer and all the other bills that continue to rack up) so pleeeeease consider contributing to them!!!!! This is a real story of real people living inspirational lives. And if not, please just keep them in your hearts, your prayers, or whatever feels right to you. We thank them for sharing their lives with us and cannot wait to watch them all grow and blossom as a family!

Keep On Keepin' On

Well, it definitely got a bit worse before it got better! I realized that the kids had adapted this vacation attitude and that all normal life was thrown to the wayside because this is one big vacation. While that may seem true because we are in so many amazing places, there are still chores to be done, routines to be followed, etc. They also realized that, in an effort to keep them calm and not too noisy around our sometimes precarious neighbor situation, I caved a lot sooner to demands than I normally would. It is certainly tricky parked so closely to other trailers or, worse, imposing on family and/or friends on their street curb and trying not to upset their neighbors. When I realized that I had been doing this I had to put my foot down forcefully for a few days and just deal with the whining/screaming/complaints without caving. It wasn't pretty, but, as a result, the toilet is a LOT cleaner (consequence of poor behavior), the boundaries are a bit firmer and we are getting along a bit better.

It also helps that we are taking some much needed respite in Canada for more than a week as we prepare for the return trip (we do miss home terribly and need to maintain our excitement so the ride and the present moment stay with us). We have not moved the bus in MANY days, have been pampered by "Oma" and "Opa", slept, read stories aloud,

face-painting and music at the open market, played on the playground (and even sent to the playground on their OWN for some autonomy),

beach time, quite a bit of work (both work repairing the bus and actual work) and I have even found myself lounging by the pool a few times! With a BOOK, nonetheless! (I actually feel quite guilty about this and have to remind myself that it is much needed and deserved).

Yes, and there was also a game-changing DATE NIGHT, believe it or not! We snuck out to see the movie VACATION, just to see how similar it is to us (not very, actually, but quite hilarious. We did NOT go to the four corners!). Of course, we paid the price for having the kids out way too late AGAIN (when will we learn?), but the time together belly-laughing, sneaking fro-yo, and watching the sunset over the city was well worth it!

We are very lucky to have so many beautiful people to connect with on this journey. While the Canadians are so friendly overall and we've had some great conversations with some people here, most seem non-plussed by the bus. Maybe this is because they have things like this around here:

A tour bus carrying 24 German and Austrian passengers complete with fold-out kitchen and cots! This vehicle was BA!!! And the crazy part is they were doing a circle similar to what we are doing, but in 22 DAYS!!!!! And I thought our schedule was nuts :)

And there are all kinds of crazy vehicles out here...converted vans, tricked-out cars, Deluxe semis, a tiny home on wheels here, there is even this GIGANTIC Motorhouse with a slide out BALCONY and BIG SCREEN TV!!!! CRAZY! But whether we are not impressive or just hidden in our long-term spot we are down to about one tour a day and the quiet is welcome for a bit :)

One disconcerting thought on my mind as we travel are the amounts of people I see on this coast that are tied to drug abuse. It has lead me into this internal discourse about thrill seeking and what it means. And I feel like it isn't limited to drug abuse or alcohol abuse or anything. It goes way deeper into the apathy and disdain I see from people walking down the street not wishing to be altered from their goal of a bus, cup of Starbucks, spot in line, etc. at the expense of connecting with another human being. It seems to weigh heavily on me lately, especially in terms of what it could mean for my own children. I do not believe it matters who you are or what type of family you come from. And the only thing I've come to in order to prepare my own children to get over this issue of satisfying the desires of "ME, ME, ME" is to contemplate desire, to never be afraid of boredom, never be afraid to sit with themselves and who they are and/or to never run from their problems. I don't know any other way to prepare them for this than meditation. I'll take any advice or anecdotes you care to offer. I guess an odd contemplation from someone avoiding the 9 to 5 lifestyle and driving around the country. But then again, maybe not :)

Lastly, I just want to reflect on how quickly a moment of disapproval or doubt from someone not feeling that we are doing "the right thing" can drain one (me specifically) of all the love and inspiration we have garnered on this bus - the only way I can describe it is like that children's story about "filling my bucket". And then for a few days I let my awful mood color everything and everyone around me. Luckily, it took just the next person stepping onto the bus talking about how happy seeing the bus made them feel to refill that bucket and from here on out I will guard that bucket a bit more closely! Thanks for all the love and positive energy we've been getting from all of you on this journey with us! I hope you've been receiving it back two-fold and we look forward to the next crazy leg of it all :) Keep calm and VonRowdy on!